"I didn't Cause it,
I can't Cure it,
I can't Control it."
At first, these ideas may seem limiting to a Non-Personality-Disordered individual in terms of reducing how much power they have to change the personality-disordered individual in their lives, these rules are far more liberating to a Non-PD who remembers them and discovers that they are no longer responsible for another person - but only really responsible for their own actions and behaviors.
The 3 C's Rule is sometimes referred to as the "Non Mantra"
I didn't cause it.
It's very common for victims of abuse to blame themselves for the abuse. they may begin to ask themselves "what did I do to make him/her so angry?" It's only natural to assume that everything has a cause and effect and therefore if someone is treating you badly perhaps you did something to deserve it.
However, people who suffer from personality disorders often exhibit dissociation - where their perception of what is real and what is not is skewed by their swings in mood.
Additionally, people who abuse others often look for justification for their behavior and a convenient excuse can usually be found in the imperfections of the hapless victim.
Here at Out of the FOG, we believe everyone is responsible for their own actions and must be held accountable for their own behavior. This includes people who suffer form personality disorders and those who don't. This means that nobody is responsible for causing the behavior of another.
I can't cure it.
It is quite common for Non-PD's to try to look for a cure or a treatment for their loved-ones to try to restore their behavior back to a healthy level. While this is a noble thought, it denies what scientific evidence teaches us, that no known cure exists for personality disorders at this time.
Thus searches for a cure typically lead to frustration on the part of the non-PD, who sets themselves up for disappointment, and for the personality disordered individual, who often feels irritated and invalidated by the approaches taken by their well-meaning but ill-advised loved-ones.
I can't control it.
While no outright cures exist, some treatment programs do exist to assist personality disordered individuals to reach a better quality of life for themselves and their loved-ones.
However, it is also common for people who suffer from personality disordered to avoid treatment or to refuse to acknowledge that they have a problem.
In these situations, it is common for family members and spouses and partners to try to cajole them into treatment programs and to try to make it easier for them to be successful in these programs.
However, successful treatment almost always requires the full commitment of the person who suffers from the personality disorder and efforts by others close to them to artificially produce these kind of results often create disillusionment for the Non-PD.